Bon’s Off Broadway #2

For my second excursion to Bon’s, I heeded Hun-lo‘s insightful advice and arrived prior to 10 a.m., thereby avoiding the line-up and expediting our transcendence to breakfast Nirvana. Much to our dismay, the eccentric security guard wasn’t around to refill our coffee but an elderly Chinese gentleman (rumoured to be the illustrious Bon himself) was quick on the draw and saw to it that our already shaky hands were promoted to epileptic status. 

It was readily apparent from the Hun‘s order that he had made the trek to east Van many times in the past as he declined to look at the menu before laying out his demands. He requested the $2.95 breakfast special but with a few veteran tricks up his sleeve. To avoid the problematic undercooking of the pan-fries, he ordered them burnt and then tested the cook’s mettle by asking for his eggs done in the rather uncommon ‘poached medium’ style. When I inquired as to why a rabid carnivore such as himself would sub an extra egg for pork product, his response was simple but intuitive, “Well, I figure if you’re going to get food poisoning, the most likely culprit will be the meat.” Having been to Peru, I have little choice but to agree with that logic. 

Still coming down from the huge hit of corned beef I’d inhaled a few months earlier, I was desperate for another fix and wasted no time in ordering up a new stash. Famished from the long drive, I tore through that corned beef like hurricane through a Florida trailer park. Upon witnessing the devastation, Jean Cretien declared a province-wide state of emergency and had no alternative but to call on Alberta’s Mad Cow beef reserves to help stabilize the situation. Breakfast isn’t always pretty, people.

I then submerged myself in a $2.50 chocolate milkshake and surfaced only for a little air and to show off my Tom Selleck-sized brown milk moustache. Similar to my last experience, the shake was serviceable but still didn’t include the metal refill container. We were also informed that generic bulk chocolate syrup was used in lieu of industry-standard Brown Cow. Magnum would be disappointed, Higgins would be appalled.

After two successful outings, I’m confident that Bon’s is worthy of a firm recommendation. The quirky staff, low prices and frenzied atmosphere make for an enjoyable and economical experience. Go now and go often, in spite of recent studies suggesting that consuming Bon’s huge portions sizes at every meal will result in one’s physique resembling that of a pre-Subway diet Jared Fogle. A small price to pay in this man’s estimation.

Location

Crew

The Sick & Dirty

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